The pumpkin craving kicked in and I began a search for what I'd bake. Not that there isn't a billion options with regard to pumpkin. I have pumpkin recipes galore within the hundreds of cookbooks scattered around this house to last me the full month of October and then some. Thumbing through the stacks yesterday, I was sure of one thing, the cinnamon and ginger were coming off the spice racks. Finally.
I have old recipes cut from magazines stuffed in files as well. Add an internet search on top and I became a "frenzied overwhelmed baker"!
I finally settled on my direction and ingredients.
I would go "brownie" with my pumpkin.
Basically, I took bread recipes apart, pared down the flour and liquid ingredients, omitted the eggs (of course), amped up the spice factors and had DH pleading 'I hope you wrote this recipe down'.
I will tell you from snacking on these this morning after a night in the fridge that the flavor and moistness factor went triple on them. They are really good right after you've baked them and then cooled, and taken with tea right before bed. They're insanely delicious the NEXT day. So just keep 'em in the pan covered with some foil and have some with your coffee in the mornings. OMG.
My favorite baking pan is an old 8" x 8" cake pan that belonged to my mother. It has years of baking on it and I credit this with having much to do with success of my baking anything in this relic.
Fall is the time when along with baking, my reading obsession kicks in.
Right now, "Purity" by Jonathan Franzen and "Olive Kitteridge" by Elizabeth Strout are in the queue.
Both are fantastic.
I am a huge Franzen fan. He grew up in St. Louis. I did not.
So I find him fascinating for that reason alone.
Okay, many other reasons for my admiration, but mostly he's brilliant.
Olive Kitteridge came to me by way of my fascination with Francis McDormand and the Emmy's last month. I happened to catch a few brief moments of the awards show but enough of it to land me in the middle of the awards handed out to "Olive Kitteridge" and Frances McDormand for Lead Actress. I watched in complete admiration her accepting this award in her very black dress and very natural appearance and admired her even more. I began streaming the mini-series the next night.
And. I. Loved. It.
I would have to say it is one of the top five films I've watched in the last ten years. Simply loved it. Right after finishing the series, I got the book. I don't want to spoil this for anyone by saying this, but if you watch the series, you will not be any less pleased with how the book reads.
I am typically not a movie-then-book person, rather I am a book-then-skip-the-movie person.
The book is wonderful. Where was I when all of this Olive Kitteridge was happening?
(Well we don't have cable for one. But still. No excuse.)
I've also been able to run more now that the horrible nightmare of plantar fasciitis has taken a break.
So Frankie and I head out for a few miles together a couple of times a week.
I had an incident this week on my run through a St. Louis County Park that left me a little shocked and a bit shaken. If you'd rather skip the story--and get the recipe, that's fine. The recipe is below.
I totally understand, but given this whole thing sort of left me a bit paralyzed, I have to write about it.
Call it my therapy.
I love running. It's my meditation. It's my strength. It's where I go to just be.
As a runner, I don't typically like to run alone. I know it sounds crazy, but for one, running alone as a man is different than running alone as a woman. The vulnerability of the running woman is what I'm mostly talking about here. In my youth, the thoughts of crazy whacked out men out there really didn't phase me much. I always figured I'd "out run" anyone who tried to catch me. No body ever has. But still. As I've aged (and now in my fifties!), I find running alone (even through my neighborhood) a bit of a scary proposition, though it shouldn't be and I should be able to run anywhere just as most men are able to run "anywhere". . . alone.
*What we like to call "Male Privilege" allows that men can run alone with less fear than women.
This is why I take my dog and I wear on my wrist pepper spray.
This is the reality of my running philosophy.
And it's a good thing.
Running through a local park in the middle of the week this week, I happened along a man standing in the middle of the trail, pants down. What I glimpsed of him as I came over the crest was enough for me to cringe and pull Frankie closer to me and sort of stop. I wasn't close enough to the opening of the trail to turn back. And we were far enough away from the perv that my pausing sent enough of a signal that I was not unaware of what I had just witnessed. We scared this imbecile enough that he almost fell backwards down the hill trying to manage his dog--yes, he had a small terrified dog, and pull his shorts back up. I was completely incensed. Furious. Scared. Worried. Focused on getting by him and not having an "encounter". I've got a good gut read on people and when I read something as scary I will project this fear outward. In this instance I projected disgust and then fear. And a lot of WTF?! What was happening here was someone who has a problem had come to the park to deal with his "issues" in a most inappropriate way.
A public park that should be safe, respected and beautiful was sullied by someone who needs help.
I wasn't facing anything like a major deep woods, off trail oh-my-god I have to hike to the open space four miles back to my car, I was only into the trail by about a quarter mile. Anyone could have happened upon this idiot. Here's the thing about this moment. Most people are harmless. Most men I've come across are respectful and polite--and most of the time, if you were to come across me on my run, I keep my head down, sunglasses on and give a quick look up to let you know I've seen you. Frankie along side. For those instances when I have an icky gut feel, I will turn around after passing to make sure the person has moved on. I've never been that trusting of people. I think it's a safe and far smarter way to get by in this world. This philosophy has carried me along this far in my running life and served me well. And my response to an incident like this is: see, I'm right.
I know I gave a very clear signal to this individual that he'd better not ever do this again, with Frankie barking up a storm as we ran by him--mostly out of protecting because I believe she sensed fear emanating from me, she went into protection mode. For me, I was in recovery mode trying to calm my heart and keep my feet moving until we reached an open space. Frankly, if I had to describe him, I don't think I could other than I remembered the dog, that poor little terrified dog he tugged along. Thankfully once Frankie and I came out at the other end of the trail we were at the lake and there were several folks with whom I took a quiet respite. I simply needed to get back to my car now. Still in shock and disbelief.
Sharing the story with Dr. Thyme that evening over the phone, he was stunned. And worried. And sickened, furious. Hearing a story like this reminds him of how vulnerable I can be sometimes when he's away. However, I refuse to be holed up in my house because of a whack job. I just won't. But I can see how something like this might prevent someone from venturing out.
But if we don't. . .then they win.
I could go on and on on the subject of this crazy moment I had in the park and why our system of mental health is broken in this country and how we don't do enough to protect innocent people. The news lately is filled with stories of sick people hurting innocent bystanders. The incident I had has scarred me a bit. I am not immune to the ugliness of the world. Neither am I a Pollyanna who goes about just happy-go-lucky, people are great! Hardly.
But really, we need to do a better job of it. Really.
People are complicated. Not that I won't run again in this park. But it's a reminder, ladies:
Be vigilant. Be aware. But run on . . . with your dog, or pepper spray.
Vegan Pumpkin Spice Brownies
*makes one 8"x 8" pan
1/2 cup spelt flour
1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour
3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground golden flaxseed mixed with 3 tablespoons water
2/3 cup brown sugar
1 1/4 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 cup soy milk
1/4 cup olive oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
*powdered sugar for dusting over
Preheat oven to 350 and lightly spray and 8 x 8 inch baking pan. Add all dry ingredients and spices to a medium mixing bowl and sift together. Set aside. In a small bowl, add the flaxseed and water and and mix together, set this aside to thicken. In another bowl, add the brown sugar, pumpkin, soy milk, olive oil and vanilla extract, mix well. Add the entire bowl of wet ingredients to the dry, the with a spoon, mix well--just until the dry ingredients are moist. Pour mixture into pan and smooth over with back of spoon. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in middle comes out clean. Remove from oven, allow to cool completely. Dust with powdered sugar. Cover the pan with foil and store in fridge for three days. Enjoy!
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